You just want to be loved, right? You want to find the guy who was made for you. The guy who will love you, hold you and stand by you unconditionally.
Well, here’s a gentle reminder. You have to let him.
Like so many of others, you may have described yourself as “guarded.”
You may have become acquainted with this deeply rooted fear of getting hurt…again. Or at all. But, likely again.
What we don’t address is the fact that most people have been hurt. We all have been stung by rejection and emptied by the loss of love.
And this isn’t to downplay your past, but to give you hope for your future.
We’re all in this together. Men and women alike. Being hurt sucks. But, we can’t let it keep us from finding the one who isn’t going to rip our hearts out.
Of course nobody wants to be hurt. I get that.
I think that for whatever reason, we often use this fear or “guard” as a crutch. We say it’s hard to let our guard down, when really we never even attempted to do so.
The world may have scarred you so badly, that you can’t willingly let someone else in.
You can’t even fathom the idea of someone good coming long.
That someone, somewhere, is capable of just loving you with no games, tricks or agendas.
We have lost faith in the existence of the pure hearted.
I have been so closed off. So hurt. So guarded due to fear. My behavior has been damaging and misguided as this idea of a real relationship felt like an unattainable fantasy.
Until it wasn’t. Until I stopped being afraid. Until I just let it all go.
We have become immune to the concept of genuine intentions because we don’t think they exist. We can’t actively accept love or kindness or affection from someone because this wall of fear is in the way.
We’ll even say to our friends, “I like him so much. He’s really sweet and nice and we have a great time together. He tells me he really likes me. I just don’t know, though.” What don’t we know? If nice people exist? If someone is capable of loving us?
Isn’t this so sad?
Somewhere along the way, we have decided we don’t deserve the good stuff. From there, it became a thing that might not even exist.
It’s so easy to attempt a relationship, but what happens next is the problem.
Because we don’t leave him. We don’t reject him. We don’t actually avoid the situation.
We will hang out with him any time, anywhere. We will kiss him. Sleep with him. Essentially enter a relationship.
But, we don’t trust him. He is always at an arm’s distance, and he notices.
We tell him we’re just afraid to get hurt again. That we don’t want it to be like the rest.
But what we don’t realize, is that we didn’t even give him a chance.
We wonder why he starts to pull away or hang back. We eventually chalk it up to the fact that he’s just like the rest of them.
(Side note: assholes DO exist. But, I promise, not all of them are.)
Was he like the rest of them? Was he playing us? Or did he realize that this wall was not coming down, ever, no matter what he said?
Every time we deflect a compliment, question his intentions though you’ve been going out for months or doubt the fact that he even loves you when he swears he does, we’re really just questioning if we deserve it or not.
Because good people do exist. Love does exist. But you have to let it in.
When he asks you on a date, go. Don’t wonder what he’s trying to get from you. Just go. Enjoy yourself. If there isn’t a connection, don’t go again. If there is, see it through.
When he tells you that you look beautiful, smile. Say “thank you.” Don’t brush it off or question him. Believe him.
When he looks into your eyes, don’t look away. Look at him. Let him see you. Let him in.
And most importantly, when he tells you he loves you, accept the words. Accept the feeling.
Drop the wall because it isn’t real, anyways. We created it after all. We can tear it down any time. We just choose not to.
Be open to receiving love. It can’t be forced upon us. We can only open up and let it in. Let love in.
Love him love you because you deserve it. Because it’s real. Because it heals. It empowers. It lifts. It warms. It supports.
It can be yours.
Until then, I’m sending you all the love I can give,
Emily Perrott, The Sunflower Child