When we lose things in life, it’s really difficult to find places in which we may have grown. As I have written before, there is a growth in tragedy, but I have recently discovered a different type of growth. Something way beyond strength. Something very personal. Maybe you can relate…and if you can’t, this can certainly be something for you to think about!
Since losing the most special person in my life, I have felt lost. There aren’t many feelings scarier than the lost/lonely/confused feeling that somehow feels like one big ball of disaster. I have been enduring 6 months (and counting) of this sort of thing, but then a few days ago I looked back on these past months and realized something HUGE. I have learned more about myself in these past six months than I have in my entire life. I am truly finding myself as a person. That may seem super cliché, but it’s completely true.
I have learned so much about myself from spiritual, emotional, physical, and any other words that end in “al” standpoints. I know what makes me happy and what doesn’t. I got to thinking about what may have sparked this new light in me, then I realized it could be a gift. I lost the one person who had an answer for truly any question I had, the one person who guided me through every single step I had ever taken, the person who helped me be the best version of myself.
So, once we lose someone or something, we are left with only the advice we had been given thus far with nowhere to go but forward. I’m not just talking about what kind of laundry detergent to use or what temperature I should put the oven on to cook chicken just the way she did…but the stuff that really matters. I am making so many decisions on my own, which I realize is a part of growing up, but I also know that we never grow too old to rely on the people who have shaped our characters for our entire lives. Humans need other humans. It’s just how we are.
Now, I have a lot of people helping me along the way; people I will never be able to fully thank, but these are new opinions. I am learning to live without the one opinion I have sought out for 22 years. Let me bring you to my main point, this is the best time to find yourself. Make decisions. Rely on your own intuition. As you find yourself growing as an individual, you can send a little thank you to whoever you lost. I think with losing her, she left me the ability to finally find out the person I am meant to be.
The fun part is that once you start learning about yourself, you get to realize how much of you has come from whom or what you have lost. It’s probably a ton of stuff you never knew you had. Then you get to make new opinions for yourself, and combine them with the person you have been for however many years you’ve been on this planet.
Take this opportunity of disorientation to become the person you are meant to be. You’re still here. You still have life to live. Figure out who you are! I like to think you will feel at peace with yourself once you get a better grasp on the individual you are. Confidence doesn’t come from a skinny body or pretty hair, it comes from being comfortable with the human you are. This is your time, your life. Take it and create your path.
Sending much love from my soul to yours,
The Sunflower Child