One of my best friends recently provided me with an extremely simple, yet interesting perspective on people the other day. Some of this may seem similar to other things I’ve written, but I am approaching this post with a different mindset.
My friend (whose life has paralleled mine as we both experienced a great loss) and I were discussing relationships. Friendships, romantic, casual, etc. Just relationships. Humans are very interesting creatures. We all find ourselves being drawn to certain personalities, situations and emotions. I noted that I often associate people with how much they helped me through a bad time. Because of those moments, I essentially exempt them from any wrongdoings they may do throughout the relationship.
I give them the benefit of the doubt because when I really needed them, they were there. Usually, most people in your life will stick around when things are good, then the truly good seeds stay by your side when the going gets rough. While I was expressing a situation that is the opposite of the norm, my friend said, “You realize that it’s not okay for people to only help you when things are bad? You need people who want to enjoy your happiness.” What a strange concept.
That really struck me. I never considered that some people only like to show up when I’m in need. For whatever reason, I think some people are attracted to someone who needs help, but are less interested in an individual once all is back to normal. Conversely, as previously mentioned, some people only want to be around us when we’re on top of the world.
The obvious conclusion: find people who love you when you’re up AND when you’re down. Equally. It’s not fair to only have one. In a situation where someone really helped you in a bad time, it’s especially hard to grasp this concept. It’s nearly impossible to forget how much that person may have lifted you when you needed it the most. I’ve experienced it.
I have finally come to terms with the simple logic that the people I want around me should be the people that want me around them; always. It’s not enough for someone to swoop in and save the day, then let the other people in your life continue the support. Especially because the need for some sort of support will never go away. We all need someone at some point. It’s not fun to need others, but we do. It’s part of our nature.
As my incredibly wise parents told me (far too often!), “Know your worth.” Embrace the souls who love you when you’re down, but love you just as much when you’re up. A true friend benefits from your happiness. Someone out there loves every emotion that you have to offer. Figure out who they are, and don’t let them go. We smile and we frown; you decide who gets to be around for both.
Sending much love from my soul to yours,
The Sunflower Child