I haven’t written for a while. I have been trying to get my brain together. Don’t worry. It’s still not together, but I’m certainly getting there. With that said, there’s definitely something I think is worth throwing out there. It’s about the most simple of concepts: happiness.
I’ve always been the type of person to wake up in the morning and tell myself to be happy, and happy I would be. It’s a mindset. I have always believed that, and I still do, but it’s definitely become harder. I have found myself looking to others for happiness more than I ever have before. I kind of search for it. Telling myself, “Be happy! You can do it!” just doesn’t cut it the way it used to. And that’s okay.
Here’s the deal. Some days I am fine, and I can live my life without the help of others, but for the days I can’t, I have found things, people and activities that keep me happy. Truly happy. Sometimes I find peace going out to an empty field and lying in the grass while the clouds pass me by. I’ll call my friends and plant myself on their couches for hours. I’ll go to the movies (sometimes three times a week…I really like movies). Whatever it is, I do it. A lot of things that used to make me happy still do, but some things I used to enjoy don’t leave me feeling the way they used to. What I’m here to tell you is that it’s OKAY!
This is my life, and while I believe there are ways to handle situations/tragedy/loss etc. with grace, dignity and maturity, I think finding happiness should be your priority. I think we sometimes feel guilty for wanting to be happy when things around us are so sad. Well, don’t. Whatever makes you happy, do it. Lately, the busier I am, the better I am. I’ve felt strange wanting to continuously be doing something when my life is in such a foreign place; but I am also desperate to make the pit in my stomach and hole in my heart feel more full for even a few hours. I think I deserve that, and so do you.
When something drastic happens in our lives, people start to watch. How you act, what you do and how you do it. Some people look because they care; those are the people you should be grateful for. Some people look because they want to analyze you; those are the people you should ignore. Whatever it is that brings you peace, I encourage you to do it. As much as you need to. Don’t do things to cover up the pain, stick to the things and people that actually make you feel like you are going to be okay. Because you are! And you shouldn’t have to do it alone. That’s not fair.
Moral of the story: be happy. Whatever that means to you, and do NOT apologize for it. Some people know how you feel, some people don’t. Either way, no one can tell you how to be happy. There shouldn’t be any expectations for you to act a certain way, like sit in a corner and soak up the sadness . That’s not how you grow. You grow from finding the moments that make your heart beat a little faster, take your breath away and give you the smile you’ve been longing to feel. Those moments will give you hope! I encourage you to find them and be proud of yourself every time you don’t have to fake your smile. That is a victory and you deserve to celebrate it.
Sending much love from my soul to yours,
The Sunflower Child